Effective Self-Advocacy for Women

Do you ever feel like you’re being selfish or demanding when you speak up and ask for what you need—whether it’s at work, at home, with friends, or loved ones? You’re not alone! For so many of us, the idea of self-advocacy is so uncomfortable. We’re quick to stand up for others’ needs, especially our children, but when it comes to our own, we convince ourselves: “I’m fine,” “I don’t need that,” “I can handle it on my own,” or “I don’t need help.”

I’m here to tell you that advocating for yourself isn’t pushy or confrontational (although some spouses may think so in the beginning, wink, wink). Self-advocacy is about valuing your own needs and ensuring your voice is heard. It’s crucial for your well-being, relationships and quality of life.

In this post, we’re going to break down what self-advocacy really means, why it’s essential for your mental health and happiness and how you can start taking small but powerful steps towards speaking up for what you truly want. When you learn to advocate for yourself, you not only build your confidence, you set an example for others to do the same. 

My Personal Journey

For me, self-advocacy is deeply personal. Like many of us, when I was young, I wasn’t taught how to advocate for what I needed, let alone even identify my needs. Now, one of my biggest goals is for my two sons to grow up with confidence, to know what they want, and to have the courage to ask for it. But first, I had to go on my own journey of self-advocacy to teach and show them how to stand up for themselves.

Children learn more from what we do than what we say. When I stayed silent in situations that warranted speaking up, or when I put everyone else's needs before my own, I was inadvertently teaching them that their voices didn't matter. Every time I said "yes" when I wanted to say "no," I was showing them that pleasing others was more important than honoring their own boundaries.

My journey of self-advocacy became about breaking this cycle. When they see me respectfully standing my ground in a disagreement, they learn it's okay to have different opinions. When they watch me ask for help instead of struggling alone, they learn that seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. When they observe me setting healthy boundaries with family and friends, they learn that it's possible to be kind while still protecting your own wellbeing.

I want my sons to enter adulthood knowing that their needs matter, that their voice deserves to be heard, and that they have the right to advocate for themselves. But this lesson starts with me – in the small moments, in the daily choices, in the examples I set. Every time I practice self-advocacy, I'm not just standing up for myself; I'm laying the foundation for my sons to do the same.

Understanding Self-Advocacy

We must understand what it means to advocate for yourself. It’s the ability to effectively communicate your needs to meet your goals whether it’s negotiating a raise at work, setting boundaries on workload, requesting flexible work arrangements, asking for a second opinion on a medical diagnosis, I could go on and on, but you get what I mean.  

So many women struggle with this because we have learned, especially as partners and mothers, to put the needs of others before our own and before we know it, we’ve run out of time or energy for our own needs. 

Some myths about self-advocacy can hold women back as well, including the myth that self-advocacy is selfish, or it means you're being aggressive. I'm sorry, I'm being what? Aggressive for speaking up for what I need? No way! These outdated perceptions need to be challenged ladies! After all, you wouldn't hesitate to speak up for someone else's needs – so why not extend that same care to yourself?

Recognizing Your Worth 

Self-advocacy is a journey. You're not going to know what you need all the time, and it's not going to be easy advocating for those needs, but all you need to do is start. You already know how to advocate, whether it's for an aging parent, a friend, a child, you've advocated before and with no problem. Now you just need to turn that wheel onto yourself and your own needs.

You are worthy of what you want.

You are worthy of what you need.

It’s not selfish to ask for help.

It’s not selfish to communicate your needs.

Your voice deserves to be heard. 

Your boundaries are valid. 

You don't need to justify taking care of yourself. 

Your needs are not a burden. 

Your feelings matter.

How to Self-Advocate For Yourself

Here are some simple and easy ways you can start advocating for yourself. Start in low pressure situations and start building that confidence!

• Get clear on what you need and identify your priorities (so you know what you're asking for).
• Practice saying no, decline a social invite that you know is draining, or say no to a commitment that bubbles up that doesn't align with your values/priorities. You don't need to provide a lengthy explanation or justify your "no".
• Set boundaries; "I need to focus on work so I won't be available for non-urgent requests".
• Ask for help, you don't need to do it all. Delegate, delegate, delegate! Make a list of tasks that could be shared or delegated, and practice the art of letting go.
• Start documenting your wins and accomplishments - keep a "brag folder" with positive feedback, successful projects, and measurable impacts. This builds confidence and provides concrete examples when advocating for advancement.
• Practice using "I" statements to express your needs - instead of "Someone should fix this," try "I need support with this project to meet our deadline".
• Begin with small requests in safe environments - ask for a different table at a restaurant if you're uncomfortable, or request a modification to your coffee order.

The Ripple Effect

The ripple effect of self-advocacy is powerful and far-reaching.

When you advocate for yourself, you build confidence and self-trust. Each time you speak up, it becomes easier to do so again. Your self-worth grows as you honor your needs and boundaries. 

When you advocate for yourself at work, you create opportunities for others to do the same. If you negotiate for better pay, it can help establish new norms and benchmarks that benefit your colleagues. Your example shows others, especially junior team members, that it's acceptable and professional to speak up.

By clearly communicating your needs and boundaries, you foster healthier, more authentic relationships. Partners, friends, and family learn to respect your boundaries and feel more comfortable expressing their own needs. 

When children see adults advocating for themselves respectfully and effectively, they learn valuable life skills. It normalizes the behavior and helps break generational patterns of silence or people-pleasing.

The beauty of this ripple effect is that it starts with one person choosing to speak up, but its impact extends far beyond the individual.

What’s Next

It's time to start your self-advocacy journey today. Remember, you don't have to make dramatic changes all at once – start small, start where you feel comfortable, but most importantly, just start. Take one tiny step toward honoring your needs, whether that's saying "no" to an optional commitment, asking for help with a task, or simply voicing a preference when someone asks where you'd like to have lunch.

Your voice matters. Your needs matter. And every time you advocate for yourself, you're not just changing your own life – you're creating ripples that empower others to do the same. You're showing your children, friends, colleagues, and loved ones what it looks like to value yourself.

One of the best ways to start advocating for your needs is to take control of your time. If you're feeling overwhelmed and ready to make a change, download my free Time Management Reset Guide found on the homepage of my website. It's packed with practical strategies to help you protect your time, set boundaries, and create space for what truly matters to you. This guide isn't just about managing your schedule – it's about advocating for your right to spend time on what's important to you.

So I challenge you: What's one small way you can advocate for yourself this week? Let's inspire each other to speak up and stand tall. Because when we advocate for ourselves, we give others permission to do the same.

Remember: You're not being selfish. You're not being difficult. You're simply being true to yourself – and that's something worth advocating for.

With love,

Erin