The Art of Setting Boundaries

Ladies, have you ever found yourself saying "yes" to a commitment while your inner voice screams "no"? Or noticed your anxiety rising as your computer pings with yet another "quick question" from a colleague after hours? Well, you're not alone… In our crazy super connected world, setting boundaries isn't just helpful—it's essential for survival!

In a time where we're expected to be constantly available, boundaries protect our most valuable resources which are our time, energy, and mental space. Think of boundaries like the walls of your home—they define where your space begins and ends, keeping the good stuff in and the overwhelming stuff out.

Signs You Need Boundaries

• Your to-do list is filled with other people's priorities (i.e., spouse, family, co-workers).
• You feel resentful about commitments you've made.
• You're constantly exhausted but can't explain why (oh hi! This is me).
• Your self-care routine has become "whatever time is left" (which is usually none).
• You feel guilty for taking time to rest (which is crazy right?!?)

I had my own wake-up call about boundaries. Despite having what seemed like the perfect setup—me working a typical 9-5 from home while my husband Andy, who owns a gym, was available in the afternoons for the kids—something wasn't quite right. I found myself constantly interrupted during work hours, responding to the kids' needs while Andy somehow remained blissfully unaware of the dynamic that had developed.

The irony wasn't lost on me: here was their dad, physically present and available, yet I was the one fielding questions about snacks and homework from behind my laptop screen. (And let's be honest—why do kids have this magical ability to bypass the parent right in front of them and seek out Mom instead?)

Fortunately, when I brought this up with Andy (sorry for putting you on blast!), he was immediately receptive. He hadn't realized how this pattern had evolved, and together we established clear boundaries for handling kid-related interruptions during my work hours. 

Types of Boundaries Worth Setting

Here are some things to think about as you identify the need to set boundaries.

1. Time Boundaries

• Designated work hours (and sticking to them!).
• "Deep work" periods free from interruptions.
• Protected personal time for self-care and relationships.
• Screen-free times for mental clarity.

2. Emotional Boundaries

• Permission to say "no" without explaining (this can be a hard one).
• Space to process your own feelings before helping others.
• Freedom from taking on others' emotional states.
• Right to step back from draining relationships.

3. Mental Load Boundaries

• Clear division of household responsibilities.
• Designated "not my problem" areas.
• Systems for sharing family management tasks.
• Permission to let go of perfection.

4. Digital Boundaries

• Email-free evenings.
• Social media limits.
• Response time expectations.
• Tech-free zones in your home.

How to Start Setting Boundaries

1. Begin with self-awareness: take a week to notice where you feel drained, resentful, or overwhelmed. These feelings are often signposts pointing to areas needing boundaries.
2. Start small: choose one area where you need a boundary. Maybe it's not checking work emails after 6 PM, or dedicating Sunday mornings to yourself. Success with small boundaries builds confidence for bigger ones. Trust me!
3. Use clear, kind language: instead of: "I can't help with that." Try: "I'm not available to take that on right now. I can recommend someone else who might be able to help."
4. Prepare for pushback: when you start setting boundaries, some people won't like it. Remember: their discomfort with your boundaries isn't your responsibility to fix.

One of the most impactful boundaries I've set in my professional life centers around protecting family dinner time. Every day at 5 PM, I close my laptop—no exceptions—to be fully present with my family around the dinner table. This sacred time together means everything to me, though I'll admit, setting this boundary initially made me nervous.

My hesitation stemmed from knowing my leader's different approach to work-life balance. She prefers to work into the evening hours during the week, which allows her to fully disconnect and be present with her family on weekends. Our styles seemed at odds, and I worried about how she'd receive my boundary. But here's what I discovered: while our methods differed, we shared the same core value—prioritizing meaningful family time.

When I finally gathered the courage to share my needs, her response surprised me. Not only did she understand, but she fully supported my boundary. It was a powerful reminder that different paths can lead to the same destination—in this case, being present for our families in the ways that work best for us.

Making Boundaries Stick

Create Systems

• Use auto-responders for email boundaries.
• Set up shared calendars for family responsibilities.
• Use task management apps to clarify responsibilities.
• Schedule self-care like you schedule meetings.

Practice self-compassion: setting boundaries isn't selfish—it's necessary. Each time you maintain a healthy boundary, you're teaching others how to treat you and showing yourself that your wellbeing matters.

The Ripple Effect of Good Boundaries

When you set healthy boundaries, you:

• Have more energy for what truly matters.
• Make decisions aligned with your values.
• Model healthy relationships for others.
• Create space for genuine rest and recovery.
• Show up more fully in your important relationships.

Remember, setting boundaries is a practice, not a destination. Start where you are, be patient with yourself, and celebrate small wins. Every "no" to what drains you is a "yes" to what fills you up.

The next time you feel overwhelmed, ask yourself: "What boundary would make this better?" Then take one small step toward creating it. Your future self will thank you.

Daily Boundary-Setting Mantras

• "No is a complete sentence."
• "I can care about others without carrying their problems."
• "My worth isn't measured by my productivity."
• "Rest is a responsibility, not a reward."
• "Other people's emergencies aren't necessarily my priorities."

Remember: You're not just setting boundaries—you're creating space for a life that feels good from the inside out.

Make sure you download my 3 day time management reset as I talk about boundaries and walk you through examples of how you can identify and communicate one today!

With love,

Erin