Letting Go of Guilt

As busy working women, we're masters at putting everyone else's needs first. We juggle countless responsibilities, and when we finally get a moment to ourselves, what do we do? We think of more things we could be doing for others instead of allowing ourselves to slow down and recharge.

Sound familiar? This guilt holds us back from so many things – dropping those stubborn pounds of baby weight, advancing in our careers, making that career change we've been dreaming of, establishing a meditation practice, or tackling that goal we've been putting off for 'someday.' Amiright?

If we could take some time for ourselves, allow ourselves to put our needs first occasionally, release that guilt and shame that comes along with it, we could see how much more energized, motivated and in control we feel.

Understanding the Source of Guilt

There are 2 types of guilt we battle day to day, according to psychological research (Tangney & Dearing, 2022).

Healthy guilt: This is something we experience when we have done something or someone wrong. It's healthy to feel guilty as it leads us to acknowledge what we did, take responsibility and apologize. 

Unhealthy guilt: This is something we experience when we set unrealistic expectations, don't prioritize what truly matters and don't take the time we need to recharge. It shows up in many ways: the pressure to do it all, the fear of judgment from others (don't even get me started on this one – that's a whole other blog post!), and those deeply ingrained societal or cultural expectations that whisper 'you should be doing more'.

The Impact of Guilt on Your Life

This constant guilt takes its toll. Emotionally, it leaves us stressed and anxious, feeling stuck in a cycle of 'should.' Research by the American Psychological Association (2023) found that chronic guilt is associated with increased rates of anxiety, depression, and burnout, particularly among working mothers. Physically, we end up burned out and fatigued from overcommitting. And when it comes to managing our time, guilt becomes that pushy friend who convinces us to overbook our calendar while pushing self-care to the bottom of the list.

Reframing Your Mindset About Guilt

According to mindfulness expert Dr. Kristin Neff (2021), self-compassion is key to breaking the guilt cycle:

• Acknowledge your feelings without judgment: It's okay to feel guilt, but you don't have to act on it.
• Reframe guilt as a signal: Use it as a moment to reflect, not punish yourself.
• Example: "Why do I feel this way? Is it truly aligned with my values?"
• Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself as you would a friend who feels overwhelmed.

Actionable Strategies to Let Go of Guilt

1. Set clear priorities:
   1. Identify your top values and align your time with them.
   2. Example: Spending time with your kids vs. attending every PTA meeting.  
2. Communicate your needs and boundaries:
   1. Guilt often comes from saying yes to things you want to say no to.
   2. Script: "I can't take on that project right now, but thank you for thinking of me."  
3. Let go of perfectionism:
   1. Embrace "good enough" instead of striving for unrealistic ideals.
   2. Tip: Done is better than perfect.  
4. Practice delegation:
   1. Share responsibilities at home and work.
   2. Let go of the belief that you need to do it all yourself.    
5. Create time for self-care guilt-free:
   1. Reframe self-care as necessary, not indulgent.
   2. Example: "When I take care of myself, I show up better for others." 

Celebrate Your Progress

• Small steps: Releasing guilt is a process and doesn’t happen overnight.
• Celebrate wins: Acknowledge every time you let go of guilt and honor your priorities.

Letting go of guilt empowers you to prioritize what matters most and live a more intentional, balanced life. Research consistently shows that women who prioritize their own wellbeing report greater job satisfaction, stronger relationships, and better mental health outcomes (Williams et al., 2023).

What is one area where you can release guilt and prioritize yourself this week?

You are worthy of self-care and deserve to live without guilt weighing you down.

With love,

Erin