Understanding Mental Load and How It Impacts Your Energy

 As busy working women, we often carry the weight of the world on our shoulders—juggling work, home, relationships, and everything in between. This constant mental juggling act, known as mental load, is one of the reasons we feel exhausted even when we're not physically doing all the tasks.

The holiday season amplifies this challenge, especially in my case. With both my boys, Joey (11) and James (5), having December birthdays (no, we didn't plan that!), combined with Christmas, New Year's, and work commitments, this season becomes incredibly demanding. My mental load skyrockets as I work to coordinate everything: buying gifts (yes, Santa still visits our house), planning special birthdays, hosting Christmas Eve, preparing all the traditional favorite foods, and managing countless other details. Between the mental juggling and executing all these moving pieces, I inevitably end the season drained—sometimes even sick, as evidenced by getting the flu two years in a row.

We often hear terms like "mental load" and "energy drains," but it's crucial to understand that these represent distinct aspects of our daily lives. Learning to differentiate between them—and understanding how they interact—can be transformative for our personal wellbeing and relationships. It certainly was for me!

The Hidden Weight of Mental Load

Picture yourself as the CEO of your household. You're not just doing tasks; you're the one who remembers, plans, and coordinates everything. EVERYTHING! That's mental load—the invisible work of managing life's details.

A 2019 study published in Sex Roles found that even in dual-income households where both partners worked similar hours, women were significantly more likely to bear the primary responsibility for household management and planning (Robertson et al., 2019). Another study by the American Sociological Review revealed that mothers spend an average of 18 hours per week actively thinking about and coordinating family logistics, compared to just 7 hours for fathers. That’s about half of a work week!!!

Just the other day, while I was in a work meeting, I found myself mentally cataloging:

• The upcoming pediatrician appointment I need to schedule.
• The dog food I need to buy.
• Oh, we’re low on soy sauce.
• Did I take something out for dinner? 
• Will the kids eat what I make for dinner?
• What am I even making for dinner?
• I need to make a mental note to start researching summer camps, although I know my kids will want to go where they always go, but for some reason, I need to give them choices. Or do I just need to give myself choices? Argh!

Understanding Your Energy Economy

Separately from mental load, we each have our own unique "energy economy." Think of it as your personal energy bank account, where different activities either make deposits or withdrawals throughout your day. Just as everyone's financial spending habits differ, our energy patterns are equally individual and complex.

When you understand your energy economy, you can make more intentional choices about how you spend your energy. This might mean scheduling demanding tasks during your peak energy hours, building in recovery time after draining activities, or finding ways to pair energy-depleting tasks with elements that help sustain you.

Things that give us energy:

• Quality time with loved ones
• Creative projects
• Physical exercise
• Time in nature
• Engaging in passionate interests

Things that drain our energy:

• High-pressure social situations
• Overstimulating environments
• Tasks that don't align with our natural strengths
• Conflict or confrontation
• Extended periods of decision-making

As an introvert, while I genuinely enjoy connecting with others, I've noticed a consistent pattern: whether I'm meeting with coworkers in person, hosting family celebrations, or attending events outside the home, these social situations significantly drain my energy reserves.

I've learned that I need a few hours of quiet solitude to recharge after social interactions. This isn't about disliking social situations, it's about understanding and honoring my natural rhythm of social engagement and recovery.

Where They Intersect

Here's where it gets interesting: mental load and energy management can significantly impact each other. A 2021 study in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that individuals carrying a high mental load showed decreased performance on cognitive tasks and reported higher levels of emotional exhaustion.

Well I feel seen….

How can we find balance?

Here are a few steps I suggest to help with mental load and energy depletion. I’ve done these exercises quite often myself and they help immensely.

1. Audit Your Mental Load

• List all the invisible work you do
• Identify what could be delegated or simplified
• Use tools (apps, shared calendars) to externalize some of the cognitive burden

2. Map Your Energy Patterns

• Track activities that energize you
• Notice what consistently drains you
• Plan your days to balance energy givers and takers

3. Create Sustainable Systems

• Share mental load with partners or family members
• Block time for energy-replenishing activities
• Set boundaries around energy-draining commitments

Let Go of Perfection

Not everything needs to be done perfectly, and not everything needs to be done by you. Give yourself permission to prioritize what truly matters.

Moving Forward

The goal isn't to eliminate mental load or avoid all energy-draining activities—both are natural parts of life. Instead, aim to create a sustainable balance where mental load is fairly distributed and your energy reserves are regularly replenished.

Are you nodding along as you read about mental load and energy drain? You're not alone. After years of juggling my own mental inventory while trying to stay energized for my family and career, I realized something had to change. That's why I created the 3-Day Time Management Reset Guide—a practical roadmap designed specifically for busy women who are carrying an overwhelming mental load.

This guide isn't just another productivity tool. It's a gentle but powerful reset that helps you reclaim control of your time and mental space. Through simple, actionable steps spread over just three days, you'll learn how to lighten your mental load, honor your unique energy patterns, and create sustainable systems that work for your life. Whether you're drowning in December birthday planning (like me!) or just trying to remember to buy more soy sauce while attending a work meeting, this guide will help you transform your approach to managing it all.

Grab your copy of the 3-Day Time Management Reset Guide and take the first step toward a lighter mental load.

With love,

Erin